Facebook is breaking my heart

November 23 , 2009 4 comments

Once upon a time

I logged into my Facebook account this evening. I do my usual update status but on the right rail of the page is this message under the heading “Suggestions: Philip Kim, You haven’t talked on Facebook lately.” Now like most people I get a bit busy in my day to day life and yes I forget to speak to friends but this one is one that breaks my heart. My friend passed away earlier this year from cancer, his birthday is coming up in about a week and I still haven’t been able to remove him from my IM list because it makes me feel like he’s there still. Silly to most probably but I’m a bit of a soft center (ok maybe more than a soft center). So why does Facebook’s suggestions feature have to be such a nag?

Facebook, please remove this feature or give me an easy way to take this out completely. It’s one thing for you to surface me ads so you can make money. It is another to torture me about relationships I haven’t actively participated in. Stop making me sad and quit guilting me into talking to friends. I hate your suggestions feature. Relationships are complicated and no one likes forced conversation even if the idea was to get people to talk to each other because we are too busy. Stop it. Please dear God take that feature down.

What to do if your friend or family is deceased in Facebook

I got this tip from my friend, Michael via twitter
You can submit their FB page to be memorialized by completing the Facebook form.

Facebook please stop reminding us. Sometimes we want a little memory loss to dull the pain of loosing someone. Let us grieve in our own way.


Mon Nov 23, 2009 at 09.19 am

Jeff Stevens

I wholeheartedly agree.  I have a friend here in Gainesville whose brother was killed in a hit and run accident earlier this year and she has had the same problem with the new suggestion feature. This feature is too intrusive, and unintentionally insensitive, and needs to be modified.


Mon Nov 23, 2009 at 03.30 pm

David Cafaro

Hi Cindy, I sent this via twitter, but figured this would be a good place to post as well.  Seems that you are not alone on this problem, and it appears Facebook finally listened to some degree.


Supposedly by using this link and memorializing the individual:


The individual will no longer trigger the reminders and suggestions.  They will only show up for those who keep them in their list of friends.


Mon Nov 23, 2009 at 03.35 pm

Jason Beaird

I agree that the “You haven’t talked on Facebook lately” feature is invasive and should go away. Your particular example is definitely a worst-case scenario (although the first comment indicates that it’s not all that rare). I really don’t see any harm in the mutual friend suggestions. That feature has helped me find lots of people that I would not have searched for but enjoy keeping up with. Either you know the person well enough to friend them or you don’t. On the same token though, if I’m being pressed to add those 2nd and 3rd level connections, I certainly don’t want to get a nudge to re-connect.

PS - I’m one of the 27 mutual friends of Andrea. I bet anyone who has ever been to SXSWi could trace their connection to anyone else who has been to SXSWi in 3 steps or less. :)


Sun Jan 31, 2010 at 08.33 pm

Michael Jackson

Couldn’t agree more. Facebook has bitten off a little more than it can chew here…


Constantly, trying to learn new things, and on the way I get to meet some amazing people with my camera by my side. XOXO!

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